I’ve always been an accident prone person. Always…

Like the time I was playing chasy with my sister and brother, and I decided to run into the house. I saw my mother in the front room through the door frame. I took a running leap, and BAM ran into the glass sliding door. Its amazing how good Windex is..

I bounced off back onto the floor, lying on the pavement in a mixture of shock, pain and humility. Everyone was laughing like mad, buttheads…..

This is all true, but the list goes on…

Burns….don’t get me started….I’ve burnt my ass, my nose….even my stomach while I was making tea and the kettle fell and…painful….painful memories…

My ass hurt the most….on a fire…..im surprised I don’t have the brand name of the fireplace imprinted on my butt cheeks…you laugh but it was agony….even more painful when my classmates found out….

As for my nose, that was a stupid mistake, I was young. The iron was on and I (being small) leaned up onto the ironing board and the iron just fell on me. It wasn’t painful at first, I was unaware until my nephew kindly said “what did you do to your nose??”, and I rushed into the bathroom to see my nose had a strip of skin taken away, and that’s when the pain kicked in…..

Let see I’ve been smacked in the head with a wooden cricket bat by my sister Sophie, which may or may not have caused a seizure…

Hmm…I’ve impaled myself on a sharp tree stump (don’t ask..). I’ve had my foot trapped under a car wheel while it was reversing (and I was in the car with my seatbelt on at the time, so I had to rip it off and through myself out…it looked cool, well it would have had I not been screaming “MUM!! MUMMMMM!!!!!!”….)

Ah yes, there was one, one weird thing that proves that I am truly the master of accidents… I was young, and my sister was taking me out to somewhere (the details escape me) and I took along some textas to draw with. It was Night, and I managed to drop one, but couldn’t find it. Anyway I left and had a great time. Then when I came back, I managed to find it. I stepped on it and fell headfirst onto brick paving. I mean c’mon…I had a scab over my eye…..it was all puffy and…..yeasshhhhhhhh….

Oh yes….when I was playing basketball with my bro, I took a running slam dunk, but managed to not let go of the ring…

my body went vertical, yet still somehow managed to go forward. This resulted in me falling onto the pavement (I seem to have an affinity with the stuff..) on my side…

Yes, numerous leg, head and arse injuries have happened to me…but there was one that could have ended up worse than it turned out…

Picture if you will, a playset. One with one of those wooden bouncy bridge things. Well my nephews, sister and I were playing a variation of dodge ball on it. We would stand at either ends, someone would throw a tennis ball and you would have to run to the other side without getting hit. Well I preceded to run to the other side at high speed, but I tripped and went flying. Now the bridge is suspended in the air, I dare say a metre and there was a pole, one of those firemen ones straight in the middle of the exit. Anyway I went flying through the exit, yet managed amazingly not to clip the pole. But I landed nearly on my head. I thought  I had broken my neck  But as it turned out I was fine, albeit a little bruised and shaken….

My unluckiness has even caused other peoples property to suffer. I managed to crash my sisters car into a pole, causing a large dent, actually the whole radiator was bent. I was 15….it wasn’t like a joy ride or anything, she was in the car, she let me drive it up the road, the pole was never really planned…

Oh and countless more forgettable instances were my stupidity has caused injuries. (I saw Rumble in the Bronx when I was young and decided I was a ninja, I did a spinning kick, banged my head on the doorframe and fell on my butt….)

But what can I say, I’ve never had any serious injuries, just stupid ones. I haven’t had any broken bones, just a bruised ego….ah well. I’m sure I’ve had more accidents, and I know I will have in the future but thems the breaks…

 “Never Underestimate the predictability of stupidity…”